I love Connecticut and I love New York City. I don’t have to hate one to love the other, which distinguishes me from Gawker and many of its miserable, snarling commenteers. Doesn’t every state have something its Rotary Club can boast of? Some product that the state produces the most of? (Warning: Connecticut is omitted from song.)
But I’ll answer the question. I don’t know much about muffins. It’s not how I live my life, worrying about whether I have access to good enough muffins.
If we started with stuff invented in Connecticut, we’d be here all day. There’s the stuff definitely invented here: the vacuum cleaner, the sewing machine, the can opener, the helicopter, the submarine, etc.. And stuff we can make an interesting case for: like anesthesia and airplanes.
Here’s one close to your hearts, Brookyln hipsters. You can thank us for birth control.
But that’s all ancient history, right? New York, the last Tory stronghold, has never been crazy about American history.
You want now, right? Well, we got Darko. He won the, you know, Tony. You probably hate “Annie,” but it started here. So did the “Hunger Games.” We’ve got Wally Lamb and Phillip Roth and Amy Bloom and Luanne Rice. Streep lives here. Gilmore Girls is set here. ESPN is here. We gave you Gretchen Mol and Anika Noni Rose. Here’s an odd little thing. I’ve been told there was a New Haven High School production of a Gilbert and Sullivan show in which Lauren Ambrose and Ross Douthat appeared. Paul Newman. Arthur Miller, Katharine Hepburn. You’ve heard of these people, right? When you pack St. John the Divine, thank us for Paul Winter, who lives here. Last week the Times gushed over this.
The best stuff about Connecticut is the stuff you’ll never know about. Because you’ll never come here, which is fine. You know how you wait in line for 90 minutes at some cool brunch place? We never do that. We hardly ever have long lines for anything, because you’re not here in line ahead of us. Thank you. And we don’t have to worry about being cool, because we know we’re not. We rarely stress about whether we’re having the most awesome muffin or bagel available on the Eastern Seaboard. It’s very relaxing.
UPDATE: I have been instructed to add Pez and Wallace Stevens.
Call the roller of big cigars, The muscular one, and bid him whip In kitchen cups concupiscent Pez.