The Nose: Things We Want To Put In Our Mouths

by Categorized: Show ideas, Uncategorized, Year in Review Date:

Another thing we can always do on The Nose is talk about very, very shallow topics. Because, as Einstein said, “Sometimes you get so shallow, it starts to get deep.” Einstein was totally baked when he said this.

But yes! If you told me that Kim Kardashian’s book of her life told in selfies was lying there under the porte cochere, I would run out and get it and look at it even though my grasp of who she is is so vague as to be almost unpatriotic. Still a narcissistic machine understanding its own narcissism.  The Singularity!

Moral questions can be shallow and vice versa. Like: would you have sex with the new Hamburglar? If James Hanley were one of the guests this week, he would gently urge us not to be so soft-headed as to fall for a multinational corporation with sliding sales trying to get you all hot and bothered about an imaginary (but smooth!) criminal. Annie, are you OK? (Sing that 12 times.) Who does he remind you of? Can I tell you my theory? Damien Lewis as Henry VIII.

hamburglar-new.w529.h352 damian-lewis-wolf-hall
There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?

We can move on now, although it has to be said that if there’s an award for 2015 Hamburglar journalism, the field will be as thick as special sauce. 

What if we don’t want to eat Mickey D’s? What if we want Whole Foods but we are still pretending to be poor with our friend Gwyneth?

This!!!! WF CEO John Mackey interviewed via Skype from his sex-cabana on Mars: “You have to evolve with the marketplace. We may have hit some limit of how much crazy money you can take away from stupid rich people.”* (*Made-up quote.) The Nose may discuss the name of this excellent new place, although panelist Taneisha Duggan sprinted ahead of us with SNAPeas.

Joan Rivers said: “Why cook? So your husband can tell some hooker ‘My wife makes great bread?’ ”

Why cook when there is a “Keurig for food?”  Which is like “an electric chair for waffles.”

UPDATE: We heard from Annie! It turns out she’s OK. She’s having dinner with her cat.

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